Kel's BIG GREEN SWEATER
by Superkoala89
Summary: The day Kel gets a BIG GREEN SWEATER!!!!!! Kel shows Neal her sweater and he makes some...strange comments. Features stupid, clueless Kel, Neal, Owen, Cleon, Joren.And now, they SKIP! R+R!
1. The insanity begins!

A/N The Queen of Fluff and I have been playing this Cosmopolitan fashion makeover thingy and we decided to dress Kel in a BIG GREEN SWEATER!!!! Muahahahahahaha! This is what we thought Neal's reaction would be to her BIG GREEN SWEATER!!!!   
  
And please do NOT mind Kel's stupidity. I had to have so that this would be funny.  
  
Disclaimer: No, I don't own anything.......  
  
  
Kel had just come home from the department store. She opened her bag and pulled out..........her BIG GREEN SWEATER!!!!! She ripped her shirt and tunic off and replaced it with the BIG GREEN SWEATER!!!!! Just then there was a knock on her door.   
  
"Who is it?" She yelled through the door.  
  
"Neal! I would have thought you would recognize my voice by NOW." Neal retorted.  
  
She sighed. "Come in!" walking to open the door, which was ironically already opening. Not seeing that the door was open, Kel ran straight into the door. "Owies!"   
  
"Kel, you ran into the door again? Do I have to cover the door in rubber padding again?? I thought we had cured you of that habit?" Neal scolded, laughing. Kel always did stupid stuff like this when he was around. Though he pretended not to notice that it was only around him.   
  
"Like my new sweater, Mr. Teacher?" Kel modeled for him, shaking her booty as she did so. (A/N Queen of Fluff wrote 'booty')  
  
"Is it supposed to be that BIG?" he demanded.   
  
"Well, I thought maybe...I like it big and stretchy. Besides, I found it in that part of the store that started with an M, I think it did," she replied.   
  
Neal half choked. "You mean the Maternity section? You aren't...you know...hehehe..."  
  
"What?" Kel blinks.  
  
Neal gestures towards his stomache. "You know..."  
  
"You mean...you're pregnant? I thought only women could get pregnant...oh well," Kel rambled, giggling.  
  
He rubbed his temples, muttering "Not another migrain." To Kel he said, "No, duh! What about you?"  
  
"Why would you think that?" Kel asked, stretching out the BIG GREEN SWEATER.  
  
"Oh, I don't know....maybe the fact that you were shopping in the maternity section? But I don't know anymore..." Neal trailed off. "So, ummmmm, are you?"  
  
"Neal, you know me better than anyone else in the world, DUH. If I was wouldn't you know?" Kel asked, cocking her head. "But, more importantly, how do I look in this outfit?"  
  
"You look like you're pregnant in that BIG GREEN SWEATER," Neal stated, loudly.  
  
Another knock sounded on the door. Kel opened it. It was Owen, Cleon and Joren. (I don't know why he was there, he just was.) Cleon gasped, Owen stare, and Joren break danced.  
  
"Kel, when is the jolly baby due?" Owen asked jollily.   
  
"Well, Owen...---" Kel began before being slapped by that annoyance, Cleon.  
  
  
  
  
A/N Now, hopefully you have survived this far AND figured out that Kel is not pregnant or is she?? We will be back for another chappie of insanity, next time on..... KEL'S BIG GREEN SWEATER!!!!!  
  
REVIEW!!!  
  
  
Lady Queenscove (Liger is out getting a blueberry slushy)I must hurry before he gets home and discovers that I didn't write his name on this. 


	2. The insanity continues!!

A/N Welcome to the second edition of Kel's BIG GREEN SWEATER!!!! Again, I do not own any of the Tamora Pierce characters that appear or don't appear in my fics....*sigh* Also, forgive me for another stupid Kel.   
  
  
  
Kel stood there, shocked. Never before had Cleon even threatened to inflict physical harm. It was mostly because he knew that if he did, he would probably find some nasty surprises waiting for him. As Kel just stood there, someone else was springing into action. Well, actually, two someones. Neal and Owen were slowly approaching Cleon from behind. Both had insane looks on their faces. (A/N Just picturing Neal and Owen with insane looks....*bursts out laughing*...sorry)   
  
Kel saw what they were doing and wide-eyed, backed up one step at a time. By this time, Neal and Owen had reached Cleon and were debating whether to beat him or to flick him. They decided to test this idea. Neal flicked Cleon in the back of the head. Just as Cleon spun around, Owen decided he wanted to try flicking Cleon in the forehead, just to see what would happen. You know...he was....how you say....curious.   
  
"What was that for?" Cleon demanded.  
  
"You slapped Kel!" Owen and Neal chorused.  
  
"Well, she didn't tell ME she was pregnant!" Cleon reasoned.  
  
Neal shook his head. "She's not pregnant you half-wit. It's just a BIG GREEN SWEATER!!"  
  
"DUH!" Owen said, unjollily.  
  
Everyone gasped. Owen had said something unjollily (if that was a word). He hadn't said anything like that since the first day of page training. It's sad really to see Owen lose his jolliness over a BIG GREEN SWEATER.  
  
Kel had been silent through this whole oredeal. Of course she would be! She was enjoying this! She had not one, not two, but three men fighting over her....even if it wasn't for the normal reason.   
  
Just then, the ball rang for lunch.   
  
"Oooh! Lunch time!" Cleon sang. He and Owen skipped out the door and down the hall.  
  
"Well, I had better be going, too." Joren said, disappointed. He thought he was going to see a fight. Now he had gotten worked up for nothing.   
  
"Wait!" Kel yelled.  
  
"What?" Joren asked, annoyed.   
  
"Why in Mithros's name were you break dancing?" Kel asked pointedly.   
  
"I was bored. I do that when I'm bored. Besides, thats what I am paid to do. I do kids parties. Here's my card.   
  
Kel read the card it said, "Jammin' Joren: the break dancing clown." Underneath it, it said, " 5 Silver Nobles an hour call 555-ibreakdance"   
  
"Golly-ge-wiz, Joren. You got your own business, gosh-durn." Kel said. She always liked using what some people called "hillbilly talk" in normal conversations.  
  
"Riiiiighttt," Joren stated in a monotone voice. And left, skipping down the halls singing "We're going to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz."   
  
"That was wrong," Neal concluded, watching Joren skip down the hall.  
  
"Heck yeah, but it was funny," Kel said.   
  
To himself, Neal sang, "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts..." To Kel, "I'm hungry!! Let's go eat." Neal exclaimed.  
  
"Yes, Your Majesty," Kel said, doing a mock bow.  
  
They too skipped down the hallway, singing, "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, deedeedeedee, there they are a standing in a row, bumbumbum...."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N The coconut song was from Lion King, at least that's where I heard it. And obviously the Wizard of Oz was from the Wizard of Oz. Duh!  
  
Never fear! There will be yet ANOTHER chapter! Oh come on! Don't look so scared! It's not that bad!   
  
Thank you's:   
  
hyperchick88: I'm loved! You love me you really love me!  
  
Jishoshojo: Yup, it's a word. I checked! MY special dictionary. It has all the different words that I have come up with over the years.   
  
Chopstix*: I once gave myself a fro too, that was funny.   
  
Bored Little Muse: Your cat scares me....   
  
The Dark Lady Adrienne: So I take it that you like it when Joren break danced ??? I'll have to write more about that.....  
  
bye, bye  
  
Liger and Lady Queenscove 


	3. The Insanity Continues Even FURTHER!

Sorry bout not writing in a while, see the thing is that I lost the internet and I have had like no time to write with all the homework and stuff like that. But now, on February 22, I am finally writing the um.....my third chappie!!!! Thanks to the Queen of Fluff, who badgered me into writing this.   
  
*~*Kel's BIG GREEN SWEATER*~* PART THREE!!!!!  
  
When last we saw Kel, she was skipping merrily down the hall singing the coconut song. Now, we see what the people in the lunch room have to say about KEL's *echo* BIG *echo* GREEN *echo* SWEATDROP *echo* *echo* .   
  
"You know that's not right," he drawled.  
  
"Alright," I(the narrator) said. I cleared my throat. "KEL'S *echo* BIG *echo* GREEN *echo* SWEATER *echo*!!" "Did I get it right this time, Nealan?"   
  
"You....you spawn of Satan! You have uttered the incorrect form of my name, Spawn of Satan. You shall be burnt to a crisp with my shiny, new ray gun, Spawn of Satan." Neal said as he pulled out his shiny, new ray gun which he had yet to read the manual for.  
  
"Die, Spawn of Satan!" Neal shouted as I dove behind the nearest available statue. Which just happened to be a statue of my arch-nemesis, George W. Cooper.   
  
Hiding behind the utterly stupid and idiotic statue, I heard the sounds of the ray hitting the wall and bits of the ceiling tumbling down. I heard Neal screaming, "DOWN WITH THE SPAWN OF SATAN!!!!!!" And then his maniacal laughter was heard by all as the stone bricks fell from the ceiling.  
  
When Neal finally got over his shooting craze, he took a strong pose. To all he said, "This is it." And he aimed the ray gun at the idiotic stature of George W. Cooper. He fired. The stature split apart into a zillion pieces, leaving me cowering in the dust. I was curled into a little ball, my blond hair flowing on my shoulders. Of course, my hair is short, so, I guess it doesn't work. But you know what it would be like if I had loong hair.   
  
Just at that moment, George appeared. He saw the beloved statue of himself. He gaped. "My..my...STATUE!!!" He began to sob waterfalls. He looked at all of them and pulled out his cellular phone. "Alanna? They blew up my statue! Neal and the narrator...What's her name? Um...Spawn of Satan, I think. Um..can you hurt them, please? Please? PLEEAAASSEE?? Well same to you!!" He slammed the cell phone down angrily. He gave an angered sigh. "Ex-wives..." Giving one final glance around the room, George W. Cooper perked up. He bent over and picked up a piece of stone and lifted it up over his head. "It's my EAR!!! It will complete my collection!" George skulked out of the room.  
  
Neal and the Spawn of Satan watch, astounded as.....Where was I? The lunch room? Oh yes!  
  
Kel and Neal skipped into the lunch room, still humming the coconut song. Roald motioned to them from across the lunch room. Kel and Neal ran to get their food and skipped to the table where Roald, Cleon, and, ironically, Joren sat.   
  
Neal whispered in Kel's ear, "Methinks its the sweater, miss." Kel nodded, smiling.  
  
"Joren," Roald stated, " was just talking about his new business." Roald and Cleon flashed copies of Joren's business card. Joren grinned. Now, this wasn't an ordinary grin, oh, no. This was a special type of grin. The kind close friends exchange. And Joren definitely wasn't a close friend.  
  
Joren suddenly jumped up and ran out of the lunch room. 'How strange, ' Kel thought, 'I never thought penguins could sponatneously combust..' For Kel wasn't paying attention to Joren, she was watching the little television everyone has in their heads.  
  
Unbeknownst to everyone else, Cleon had left the room. "Um..excuse me, Kel?" Neal asked, waving a mashed potatoey hand in front of her face. Kel shook her head. It had appeared that there had been a food fight while Kel was watching the penguins ontop of the telly-vision. Oblivious to all around her, Kel took her tray to the servants in the kitchen.   
  
"Why Kel, who's the father?" asked Jordan, the cook.  
  
"What?!" Kel cried. Immediately all noise behind her ceased. Kel turned around slowly only to find everyone staring at her. Kel's face turned a kind of red rose color, then she burst through the doors leading out of the lunch room. Neal ran after her.  
  
Kel stopped just outside the door so suddenly that Neal nearly collided with her. The sight was either the most disgusting or the strangest they had ever seen. It appeared that Joren was kissing this very UGLY girl. She could almost have been called a man and people would have believed her...er him.   
  
There was a rumbling coming through the floor and Cleon came barreling down the hallway wearing nothing but an EXTRA small pink thong. The sight repulsed all onlookers.   
  
"Loren! I thought you loved ME!!" Cleon sobbed.  
  
Joren looked up, "Oh, um, pookey, where did you come from? You know you were supposed to wait for me by the fountain!"  
  
The ugly girl looked up and in a very husky voice said, "But, Schnooky, I thought you loved me!"   
  
"AAAHHHHHH!!! The penguins are back!!" Joren screamed as Kel and Neal stepped from the shadows.   
  
"Looks like we're not the only one's having affairs, Queenscove," Cleon said tartly, looking at Neal and Kel's clasped hands.  
  
The two let go quickly, putting their hands behind their backs and blushing.   
  
Joren continued in a sing-song voice, "One by one the penguins are taking my sanity...Woo HA!!"  
  
Everyone, and the ugly girl, chorused, "He's lost it!"  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
I think I might just leave it off right here, says Spawn of Satan and her friend the *shudders* cheery Queen of Fluff.  
  
I got the spontaneously combusting penguins from a Monty Python skit and let me know if you want the whole thing.  
I also got the "One by one penguins..." from a sign my friend Jessica has in her room.  
  
I don't own Kel, Neal or any other characters, EXCEPT Jordan the cook and Kel's big green sweater.  
  
Till next time! Your friend, The Spawn of Satan!!! 


End file.
